Golf week in review – Rocco’s Revenge

Why waste time watching golf on TV when FakeJohnnyMiller tells you all u need to know…

What a delight to watch Rocco Mediate fight off the demons and steal the Open over the weekend…and FJM does mean steal…Kid Rock shook off the age dust and managed to jar not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 separate wedge shots for eagles…one per day to win the tourney over Bo Van Pelt, Kid Puma and a collection of others…Kid Rock had a 4 shot lead going into the final round but by the time he got to the 16th tee, he was 5 over for the day and one shot back…so of course he dunks a 20 footer for birdie and then buries a 116 yard wedge for eagle on 17…BTW, the odds of holing out from over 100 yards away on four consecutive days are the same as FJM nailing BumpnRun list leader Lauren Thompson

 The Leader board for the Fry’s wasn’t bad for a Fall Finish event. Kid Puma was lead Ryder Cupper but there were some other interesting names.  Nice to see David Duval bring home $150K or so…after getting dumped by Nike, he needed it. Biggest choker for the week was almost Kid Rock, but the birdie eagle finish saved him…Van Pelt wins if he shoots 2 under instead of even, but we’ll give the biggest choker award to the Big Man himself, John Daly who carded a smooth +11 82 to move from 5 under to 6 over. A three under 68 would have given the Big Man a top 20 finish and about $50K…now FJM has spent some time in the Greater San Jose area where this tourney took place, it is possible to get in trouble in these parts on a Saturday Night, FJM is betting that the Big Man hit in order to parlay his endorsement contract from Loudmouth Pants  into a serious tax loss…word out of Vegas is that nobody yells hit me on 16 louder than the Big Man.

The European Tour was in the Algarve in Portugal where there are certainly more and better distractions than San Jose, California, and it certainly didn’t impact the games of our Euro brethren …apparently drunken debauchery agrees with the Euros as evidenced by the final round fireworks…check this out…the top ten finishers averaged 4 under par 68s in the final round…that included a 7 under par 65 by winner Richard Green and a 10 under 62 by  FFFing Molinari to finish tied for second…the choker award has to go to Pablo Martin, who was at 18 under par with the lead on Saturday night and repsonded with a three over par 75…FJM knows how Pablo spent Saturday Night ….when will these guys learn…sleeping on the lead is a death blow for anybody but El Tigre…i’ll bet the following guys were also receiving communion on Saturday night…Mikko Illonen, Oliver Wilson, John Parry, Jeppe Huldahl were all tied or within 1 at bedtime on Saturday night…including Pablo, their best score on Sunday was even par 72…FJM rule number 1, get plastered the night before any final round….if you do it right you should need to borrow pants on Sunday morning and you need to knaw off your own arm…

FJM Rule number 2 is to stand on the first tee and swing so hard that you see stars whether you make contact or not..this will get the nerves out and if you do blow chunks un-nerve your opponents who were in church all night…

BTW, if FJM were a young rutting buck ala Kid Puma, coming out of college and armed with a golf game and a smile, me thinks the European Tour would be my first choice…exotic locales, foreign tail and no Waffle House’s sounds better than the open or the Greater Greensboro classic…

The Old Guy Exhibition Tour took the week off to stock up on Icy Hot and Cialis…on that note, FJM would like to be able to watch golf, football and other sporting events with my kids but thanks to Cialis ads I cannot…it would be difficult enough explaining a four hour boner to Mrs FJM, much less Princess FJM…however when Prince FJM (currently 4) is old enough, FJM has a combined RUFFI / Cialis lecture planned…

On the LPGA tour,  FJM is proud to report major developments…a new winner and an addition to the FJM BumpNRun list all in one girl…please let me introduce you to on Beatriz Recari..winner of the CVS  LPGAChampionship …umm Beatriz can hold FJM’s head cover anytime…coincidently Beatriz hails from Spain where the Euro boys were lighting up over the weekend…other notes were BumpNRunner Cristie Kerr finishing a quiet 5th and Brittany Lincicome opening with a glistening 61 but then backing it up with a 76…considering how popular they are on the LPGA tour, there were only 2 69s on Sunday shot by Sara Lee and Heather Bowie Young…

That’s a wrap…Fairways and Greens


About fakejohnnymiller

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