Ryder Cup Team excuse press conference

Well wasn’t that nice to see Phyllis and the Accountant consoling, protecting and defending Hunter Mayhititfat…I guess its the right thing to do…BTW Mayhititfat going to tears because he choked was a bit much…what he should have done is jump ugly on his bitch teammates who couldn’t get 1/2 extra point for him…instead they left him alone in a foreign country in front of 50,000 screaking socialists to deliver the goods…yeah he choked but if the Accountant doesn’t three jack on 15 or puke on his shoes from 7 feet on 17, we win the Cup…the Midget should have gotten in front of this and asked everybody on the team who went undefeated to raise their hands…then told the Press the team lost, not Mayhititfat…

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Ryder Cup 2010 – The Great Almost

What better way to kick off a blog about our heroes on the PGA tour than with the 2010 Ryder Cup. Let’s get right to it and begin the autopsy of the eminently winnable event that Team Millionaire tossed to Team Continent …By the way Hunter Mayhititfat just did again.

Captain’s Performance

A Captain can only be judged on three things:

His picks

The pairings

The outfits

Speeches

So lets’ review. 

Picks: 

Out of the 13 ½ points scored by the US, the Midget’s 4 picks scored 8 ½ of them. That means if the other 8 guys could have manned up for 6 points,  the Euro’s would have been toast…Tiger re-emerged as the stud leading the team with 3 points, hitting it great and except for Donald and Westwood going berserk on Sunday afternoon, he was unmatched. Maybe the tail in Wales is better than  we thought…Hunter Mayhititfat just did again…Stewart Cink always looks like an accountant, but he made shit from everywhere…only mark against him was the worst three-jack since Doug Sanders on 15 to let Rory the Story steal a half point. He gets a pass because he made about 1000 feet of putts the rest of the weekend…Hairlip Johnson was a rock, smoking Pussy Padraig in the singles and  getting Hunter Mayhititfat  his only point of the weekend…The fact that he was saddled with Mayhititfat twice gives him a beef with the Midget…Despite only scoring 1 point, Kid Puma’s testicle size went up about 4X by coming from 4 down with 5 to go square up one of the Molinari bros in the singles…potential USA stud in the making…speaking of which ran into Kid Puma’s squeeze at the Heritage last spring… hopefully she keeps him happy and doesn’t go all Elin on him.

The Midget gets an A

Pairings 

The weather made this a whacky deal. Hard to move guys around. It looks like the format change to accommodate the weather hurt Team Millionaire more than Team Continent.  Clearly, it would have nice if we could have hidden Mayhititfat until the singles but what can you do….DearintheHeadlights and the Boombox went 1 and 2 but not horrific for two rookies…as for the outburst after Boombox buried the wedge on number 8 in the foursomes, please observe how El Tigre reacted when he did the same in the singles on Sunday…Boombox has a way to go…Clearly the Taffymachine and Isthisabunker  was a disaster, as was Phyllis and anybody else with Isthisabunker…next time put him with someone who knows how to leave him alone and let him roll. Once people stopped talking to him and lining up his putts, he laid more bombs on Kaymer  than the allies did on Berlin…As for the Taffymachine and Phyllis, clearly they both drive cars with no clutch…

Midget score: B

Outfits:

Friday outfits sucked…rain suits didn’t work…complete disaster…Saturday / Sunday outfits were Ok… a  little gay in the coloring but I liked the cardigan effect…Monday blacks with red were solid…nice mix in of the red, white and blue…only mitigating circumstance is that they were picked by the Midget’s wife who  is pure Smoke

Midget score: C

Speeches

Didn’t watch live…saw highlights, Midget forgot to into the Accountant at the opening ceremonies…horrendous gaff as these things go…

Midget Score: D

Team MVP

El Tigre. Three points…hit it great…dealt with obnoxious UK press…increased Sean Foley’s rates about 300%…lookout PGA tour he’s baaaaaaaaaaaack…take that Elin.

Best Rookie

Tough choice…Kid Puma showed the most balls…Isthisabunker was mis-managed…but gotta go with the Boombox…other than bringing back the bucket head look (did this guy used to fish in New England!) he made miles of putts and without him Bubba Dearintheheadlights Watson would have just been some freakshow long hitter.

Best Midget Pick: See Team MVP

Worst Veteran

I wanted to give this to the Taffymachine badly. He scratched out a half point thanks to Kid Puma, then failed Isthisabunker and chopped away his singles match with a horrible three jack on 13…he’s your Fedex cup champion but he screwed us big time this weekend…but Mayhititfat takes the cake…after being a complete load on Hairlip on the weekend, he had a chance to deliver in the singles…how did he respond? He made one birdie in his singles match…on the same day Hairlip made 7 and El Tigre made 7 and an eagle…his missed 5 footers early against the US Open champ and gave him the lead in the match…on 11, he hits the par 5 in 2 and then three jacks to lose the hole…I mean c’mon!…then after Kid Puma comes up monstrous so all he has do is square the match and not outright win it…he goes from Hunter Mayhititfat to Hunter Musthititfat…he had a chance to put himself in the history books and he imploded…this is not Vandeveldian, but it’s going to leave a mark.

Worst Rookie

Gotta go with Dearintheheadlights…I heard he was parking a car this morning and he left that short too…when your biggest contribution is yelling “C’mon” after Boombox jars a wedge, then you clearly sucked all weekend. Yeah he got a point, but the Coolest Man in the World ate him up and shat him out with ease…

Worst Midget Pick: There wasn’t one.

For Next time:  

These events Ryder Cup, President’s Cup are putting contests. If you hole your ball (as opposed to balling your hole) you win…it’s that simple… so if I’m Pussface Love (widely expected to be Captain next time) I change the qualification process into a putting contest after the PGA Championship…top 8 putters and 4 picks…how these guys can’t get the ball in the hole when it matters is beyond me…

On to the Fall finish….

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